This evening I find myself, yet again, full far past the point of satiety. I am having a really hard time of it, the past few days, and I can't exercise to compensate for the excess because of my toe and because of the time constraints that school creates. Also, I feel like I need to not try and compensate, because I need to learn how to eat what my body needs, when it needs it. I don't want to restrict myself, since I know that will only make me binge more, and I'm not going to create a plan, since that's really just a form of restriction.
Really, what I need to do is accept myself. The way I am. I am a healthy weight, and even if I put on a few pounds I am still healthy. What would putting on weight do to me that I fear so much? I've been there, what effect did it have? I felt less attractive. Not really a problem right now, I feel attractive and if others see that diminished with extra chub, then they don't deserve my attention. I felt like I couldn't do as much physically-- well, right now I feel that way anyway, because of my toe. Beyond those two, I can't really think of much else. So I have nothing to be afraid of, except maybe not fitting all of my clothes (which, if you know me, might be a cause of fear, since I do love my costuming) but that would just mean I'd have to get a little more creative. So there: I have nothing to fear by gaining weight.
It doesn't help this uncomfortable feeling to come to that realization, though.
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