Today, I woke up with an overwhelming desire to go for a run. Though my toe has been aching and hurting me a lot recently, it didn't seem to when I was walking in my running shoes, so I gave it a go-- and went for a proper run. It felt amazing, but my heart is definitely still beating faster than usual, and I have that fun clenchy feeling in my chest from breathing in cold air. Notwithstanding all that, I'm so happy about it.
The other way my heart feels: sinking. I didn't expect to have actual valentine's plans with J, but we did arrange to meet up, and there was mention of cooking dinner together and possibly going dancing, which got my hopes up... Now, after sending a text asking about when we're going to meet up (it's 7:30pm, mind you, which is around my dinner time and past most people's) I got a call saying that he's just returning from a Manhunt thing (which I'm still adjusting to) and that S and him were going to make some special brownies and go to a sketchy store someplace. While he invited me, and I'm going because I love S and certainly don't mind being around them both, that is NOT cooking and dancing. Those kinds of brownies don't count. I don't know if I'll partake or not, especially considering I want to take my Chem test tomorrow. I just don't want to feel this down the whole night. I mean, I'm sure we'll get to fool around, and it will be fun with S, I just... well, I expected too much. To quote Ariel?Ariel!, I have been at this moment before. Many times-- but I won't go into that, because it's too whiny, even for me in an emo-depressed state.
So now, my mission is to cheer myself up before I go out. Hiphoppopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros it is.
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