I wouldn't mind me some exorcism

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0603/features/peru.html

I would like nothing more than to be able to purge myself of my demons, my self-hatred, my hang-ups, whatever this is that is holding me back from fully realizing myself. I wouldn't mind taking some dimethyltriptamine and vomiting all over the place-- it would only be a couple of times, rather than the years of other chemicals with almost as questionable side-effects afforded by conventional anti-depressants. Things that pop up in my head as soon as I start thinking about it: a)too much money: it's not like I can afford that and to pay for MCAT prep and med schools and plane tickets, etc.; b)(this one's embarrassing)maybe I'd lose weight; c)When do I have the time?; d)If I went, would I still want to go to med school? Would it matter, if I'd reached that point? Could I learn anything about it if I pursued integrative medicine? What if, along with the guy at UCLA who's doing research about Ayahuasca, I could help introduce this type of thing to people who could really use it, people who can't journey to Peru and spend X amount of money on trying to find themselves as I am potentially allowed because of the relative affluence I was born into? That, for me, is the biggest thing. If I could find myself and stay myself (for I do think that I have glimpses of myself in everyday life, but sometimes lose myself in my obsessions of eating and school and attentions) I would be able to help others find themselves, and that would be amazing. That is what I want to do, why I'm interested in psychiatry in the first place. I've always been interested in integrating different types of therapy into Western cognitive therapy anyway, why not investigate and see what I think this has to offer? It's worth contemplation, at least.

[I have more personal stuff to post, but later. It's 3:30am and I woke up with other stuff on my mind, but I want to process it more before I blog it.]