up on the rooftops

(listening to punk rock...that was all we had--I'm ashamed, but it's Mest.)

Last night, I got in a funk, and went driving with the windows down and music blaring. Then I got a text from MK, who I haven't heard from in ages and was kind of my go-to vent-at buddy for much of my winter break. He asked me how my weekend was, so I told him bluntly: it was great and really relaxing except for that exact moment. So I drove around a lot more, texting him back and forth, and then-- at 11:30pm-- decide that I'm going to go for a walk and he'd be the best candidate for being up for going with me, despite the need to get up at 6 the next morning. So we meet, and walk, and I vent... my shoes hurt my feet, so I take them off, and we walk until 1am. Nothing is resolved (not that I expected anything to be, considering the layers going on, plus him not being involved in the slightest-- usually hashing things out does help me figure out what's wrong, at least, though.)

Then today, I've had a really relaxing and pretty great day, and yet I wind up in a crappy mood again.

I can't seem to approach this in a prose form, so I'm just going to go the easy way out and make a list:
*still worrying about calories and stuff in a way that I would not like to, i.e. in terms of losing weight rather than being healthy and happy
*feeling guilty for wanting to escape my parent's house, while aware that this sentiment is unfounded
*worrying about my knees giving out on me (and all the implications on my running/well being thereof.---I am aware that I seemingly equated my well being with running, but that's not entirely true. Running helps, though.)
*feeling paranoid about my personal interactions (or lack thereof) with most of the people I consider important in my life at this particular moment. I'm thinking this may be a function of me feeling off-balance, since I can usually feel more confident about my interactions when I have a stronger sense of who I am and how I want to perceive myself.

None of these things are new. None of them are things that I have not dealt with before, in some capacity. But given that I am more aware of my previous faulty coping mechanisms, I feel somewhat as if I am grasping at wisps of clouds at the top of a mountain.

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Speaking of mountains, I went to Dahlonega today and hiked. I loved it, I felt wonderful (except a few knee twinges), and it was refreshing. Exactly what I needed before trying to crack on with my work this week. As it gets warmer my idea of camping out on the weekends with my books becomes more and more appealing. I don't know where my tent is, though, which might be a slight deterrent to that plan-- not to mention that it's going to get cold again next week. Bloody Georgia can't make up its mind about what season it's going to be