All this beauty (might have to close your eyes)*

(*more Weepies quotage. Yes yes.)





I wanted to share some pictures that I have saved on my computer from my many hours of random searching (interspersed)

I wrote Ju a rather incomprehensible email yesterday, basically saying that I can't see him like that anymore because I can't be myself around him. I do enjoy his company, but there's just something about him that smacks of JF, and I do not want to get myself into that kind of relationship again. He took it well, though he thinks it's the age difference. I figure, just let him think what he does, if the whole truth comes out later, then it does. I'd prefer to let it emerge organically than try to gouge it out.

Bit of a freak-out today. My knees ache, which makes me anxious about not being able to run (I keep joking that pretty soon I'll be made out of Ace bandages.) Then, instead of eating my packed lunch and going home to help mom make gnocchi, I went out to lunch with a couple of my cohorts. That part was fine, and the food doesn't make me feel guilty, but I had two big glasses of margarita, and the calories for that shit adds up fast. That's (to be entirely honest) why I stopped drinking in the first place. Plus I'm already over for this week, because I had some (very much conscious) binges earlier in the week, where my eating was almost aggressive, not healthy (in tone) at all. I feel like I've been steadily putting on weight for a while now, and I need to stop that, for the sake of my sanity. So I'm going to go back to counting calories again, until I can gain some sense of control and balance. I'm going to focus on the usual mindful eating stuff, and I'm going to do it in my own company (H is letting me stay at hers while I take care of her cat, so I can be on my own footing and not have to worry about what my mom cooks/the contents of our pantry.) Spring break means I have time to read Osho and do yoga and come back to having some semblance of inner peace. I feel some arting and writing coming on, too. Just what I need before bunging myself into the second half of the term.















Sharing these helps me feel grounded, too. I'm being reminded of things that I love and thus who I really am, rather than who I am when I'm stressed out and all over the place.
Happy times.